飞禽走兽（1）

她是非常特殊的一个案例。至今我都认为不能称之为病例，因为她的情况特殊到我闻所未闻。

She is a very special case. To this day, I still think she cannot be referred to as a case, because her situation is so unique that I have never encountered anything like it.

也许是一种返祖现象，也许是一种进化现象，我不能确定到底是什么，甚至我对这个案例成因的更深入了解，也是在与她接触后两年才进一步得到的。

It may be a phenomenon of atavism, or perhaps a phenomenon of evolution; I cannot be certain what it is. In fact, my deeper understanding of the causes behind this case only came two years after I began interacting with her.

从我推门，进来，坐下，到拿出录音笔，本子、笔，摆好抬头看着她，她都一直饶有兴趣的在观察着我。

From the moment I pushed the door open, walked in, sat down, and took out my voice recorder, notebook, and pen, arranging them while looking up at her, she had been observing me with great curiosity.

她是一个19岁看上去很开朗很漂亮的女孩。感觉就透着率真单纯。

She is a 19-year-old girl who appears cheerful and beautiful. There is a sense of innocence and purity about her.

直直的长发披肩，嘴巴惊奇的半张着，充满了好奇的看着我。容貌配合表情简直可爱的一塌糊涂。

Her long, straight hair cascades over her shoulders, and her mouth is slightly agape in astonishment as she looks at me with curiosity. Her appearance, combined with her expression, is simply adorably chaotic.

当我按下录音键后发现她还在直勾勾的盯着我时，有点儿不好意思了。

When I pressed the recording button and noticed she was still staring intently at me, I felt a bit embarrassed.

我：呃，你好。

Me: Uh, hello.

她愣了一下，回了一下神：你好。然后接着充满兴趣的盯着我仔细看。

She paused for a moment, coming back to herself: Hello. Then she continued to stare at me with keen interest.

我脸红了：我脸上有什么东西吗？

I blushed: Is there something on my face?

她似笑非笑的还是在看：啊？什么？

With a half-smile, she continued looking: Huh? What?

我：我有什么没整理好或者脸上粘了什么吗？

Me: Is there something I haven't tidied up, or something stuck to my face?

她似乎是定睛仔细看了下我才确定：没啊，你脸上什么的都没有。

She seemed to stare at me intently to confirm: No, there's nothing on your face.

我：那你的表情……还有那么一直看着我是为什么？

Me: Then what about your expression... and why do you keep looking at me like that?

她笑出声来了：真有意思，我头一次看蜘蛛说话哎！哈哈哈！

She burst out laughing: That's interesting! It's my first time seeing a talking spider! Hahaha!

我莫名其妙：我是蜘蛛？

I was bewildered: I'm a spider?

她彻底回过神来了，依旧毫不掩饰自己的惊奇：是啊。

She finally came back to her senses, still not hiding her surprise: Yes.

我：你是说，我长得象蜘蛛吗？

Me: You mean I look like a spider?

她：不，你就是。

She: No, you are one.

我愣了下，低头翻看着有关她的说明和描述，没看到写她有痴呆症状，只说她有臆想。

I was taken aback and looked down at the notes and descriptions about her, not seeing anything stated about her having dementia, only mentioning her delusions.

她：不好意思啊，我没恶意，只是我头一回见到蜘蛛。说实话，你刚进来我吓了一跳，有点怕，但是等你关门的时候我觉得不可怕，很卡通，那么多爪子安排的井井有条的，摆本子的时候超级可爱！哈哈哈哈！

She: Sorry, I mean no offense; it's just that it's my first time seeing a spider. To be honest, I was startled when you first came in and felt a bit scared, but when you closed the door, I thought it wasn't scary at all. It was very cartoonish with so many legs arranged so orderly! When you were setting up your notebook, it was super cute! Hahaha!

看她笑不是病态的，是真的忍不住了。

Seeing such a beautiful and adorable girl, how could I mind? If anything, I would mind what others might think, like the leaders in our department.

我：我在你看来是蜘蛛吗？

Me: I don't mind, but I'd like to hear you explain in detail what exactly is going on.

她：嗯，但是没贬义，也不是我成心这么说的。其实我知道你们觉得我有病，可是我觉得我没病。她停了一下压住了下一轮笑声才继续：我也是几年前才知道只有我这样的，我一直以为大家都是这样呢。

Now her expression finally calmed down a lot: I know you all can't understand and think I might be sick, but I'm not afraid—even if I just say I see people as animals, then it's fine.

我：你是什么样的？

I feel that you mean no harm, so I’ll tell you. I’ve been like this since I can remember.

她：我能把人看成动物。

What I see in people is dual; if I look at them vaguely, I see animals. Only when I look at them formally do they appear as humans.

我：每一个人？

Do you know what it means to look vaguely? It’s like staring into space and having a faint shadow in front of you...

她：嗯。

Me: You're referring to a dilated state, right?

我：都是蜘蛛吗？

She: Dilated? Maybe; I'm not familiar with your terms. Anyway, it just means looking vaguely.

她：不，不一样。各种各样的动物。

Probably because I've been like this since I was little, I never found it scary. But it has caused quite a bit of trouble. We had a teacher in elementary school who was a gorilla picking his nose! Hahaha! It was so funny when he scratched the back of his head in class; he loved to do that!

我：你能讲一下都有什么动物吗？

I just laughed, but the teacher didn't like it. Being so young, I couldn't explain. When my classmates asked why I was laughing, I said it was funny to see a gorilla scratching his head, so later, my classmates privately referred to that teacher as the gorilla, and eventually, the teacher found out and called my dad to school, scolding me badly.

她：什么动物都有。大型动物也有，小型动物也有。昆虫还真不多，蜘蛛我是头一次见，觉得好玩儿，所以刚才没皮没脸的傻笑了半天，你别介意啊。

On the way home, I told my dad what happened, even showing him. He laughed so hard he almost fell over. But later he told me not to give the teacher a nickname and to respect him...

面对这么漂亮可爱的女孩我怎么会介意呢，要介意也是对别人介意嘛，比方说我们院的领导。

She excitedly recounted several amusing stories from her elementary school years, laughing as she spoke. Finally, I had to interrupt her self-amusement: Wait a minute, I want to know if you see people who are not other animals? Just humans?

我：我不介意，但是我想听你详细说说到底是怎么回事儿。

She: No, they are all animals! Hahaha.

现在的她终于表情平静了很多：我知道你们都不能理解，觉得我可能有病，但是我不怕，大不了说自己看人不是动物就没事儿了。

Me: Can you tell me what animals your parents are?

我觉得你没恶意，那就跟你说吧。我小的时候，从我记事儿的时候就是这样了。

She: My mom is a cat. When she argues with my dad, her fur stands up on her back, and she can be quite fierce; my dad is a very large fish that I don't recognize. I know what it looks like—it's the kind from the sea, very big, with large fins and a big mouth, no teeth...

我看到的人是双重的，如果我模糊着去看，看到的人就是动物，除非我正式的看才是人。

Not that he literally has no teeth; he has teeth. I mean when he's an animal, he has no teeth. He's very large—well, not that large... anyway, it seems to be the kind of fish that eats small fish or plankton. I've seen it in “The Animal World” and at the aquarium.

你知道什么是模糊的看吧？就是那种发呆似的看，眼前有点儿虚影儿的感觉……

Her expression is definitely not a pathological excitement, and it’s not hyperactive; it’s a natural expression, very honest. So honest, in fact, that I began to doubt whether I might have a hearing problem.

我：你指的是散瞳状态吧？

Me: So what animal are you?

她：散瞳？可能吧，我不熟悉你们那些说法，反正就是模糊着看就成了。

She: I'm a mole!

大概因为我从小就是这样，所以没觉得怎么可怕。但是找了不少麻烦。我们小学有个老师，是个翻鼻孔的大猩猩！哈哈哈哈，他上课挠后脑勺的时候太逗了，他还老喜欢挠，哈哈哈！

Me: A mole? Like the one in "The Story of the Mole"?

我就笑，老师就不高兴。那时候小，也说不明白，同学问我为什么笑，我就说大猩猩挠后脑勺多逗啊，结果同学都私下管那个老师叫大猩猩，后来老师知道了，找了我爸去学校，很尅了我一顿。

She: No, no, a real mole. With very small eyes, always squinting, a body covered in yellow fur, short, a wet pink nose, and front and back paws that are practically shovels. That's the one I like the least.

回家的路上我跟爸爸说了，还学给他看，他也笑得前仰后合的。不过后来跟我说，不许给老师起外号，要尊敬老师……

她连说带比划兴奋的讲了她在小学的好几件事情，边说边笑，最后我不得不打断她的自娱自乐：你等一下啊，我想知道你看人有没有不是其他动物的？就是人？

她：没有，都是动物！哈哈哈。

我：你能告诉我你的父母都是什么动物吗？

她：我妈是猫，她跟我爸闹脾气的时候后背毛都乍起来，背着耳朵，可凶了；我爸是一种很大的鱼，我不认识，我知道什么样，海里的那种，很大，大翅膀、大嘴，没牙……

不是真的没牙啊，我爸有牙，我是说他是动物的时候没牙。很大，不对，也没那么大……反正好像是吃小鱼还是浮游生物的一种鱼，我在《动物世界》和水族馆都见过。

她的表情绝对不是病态的兴奋，而且不亢奋，是自然的那种表达，很坦诚。坦诚到我都开始怀疑自己是不是听力有问题了。

我：那你是什么动物呢？

她：我是鼹鼠啊！

我：鼹鼠？《鼹鼠的故事》里面那只？

她：不不不，是真的鼹鼠。眼睛很小，还老眯着，一身黄毛，短短的，鼻子湿漉漉的，粉的，前后爪都是粉粉的，指甲都快成铲子了，这个是我最不喜欢的。