梦的真实性

跟这个女患者接触花了好多次才能正经坐下来交谈。因为她整日生活在恐惧中，她不相信任何人，家人，男朋友，好友，医生，心理专家，一律不信。

It took many interactions with this female patient before we could sit down and have a serious conversation. She lived in constant fear, not trusting anyone—family, boyfriend, friends, doctors, or mental health experts.

她的恐惧来自她的梦境。因为她很安全，没有任何威胁（反复亲自观察的结果，我不信别人的观察报告，危及到我人身安全的事情，还是自己观察比较靠谱），所以那次我录音笔、纸张、铅笔那些带的一应俱全。

Her fear stemmed from her dreams. Because she felt safe and faced no threats (this conclusion was drawn from repeated personal observations; I do not trust others' reports when it concerns my personal safety, so my own observations are more reliable), I had brought a recording device, paper, and pencils with me.

我：昨天你做梦了吗？

Me: Did you dream yesterday?

她：我没睡。

Her: I didn’t sleep.

她脸上的神态不是疲惫，而是警觉和长时间睡眠不足造成的苍白以及频临崩溃，有点儿歇斯底里的前兆。

Her expression wasn’t one of fatigue, but rather alertness and the pallor from long-term sleep deprivation, signifying an impending breakdown—showing signs of hysteria.

我：怕做梦？我有点儿后悔今天来了，所以决定小心翼翼的问话。

Me: Afraid of dreaming? I somewhat regretted coming today, so I decided to tread carefully with my questions.

她：嗯。

Her: Mhm.

我：前天呢？睡了吗？

Me: What about the day before yesterday? Did you sleep?

她：睡了。

Her: Yes.

我：睡的好吗？

Me: Did you sleep well?

她：不好。

Her: No.

我：做梦了？

Me: Did you dream?

她：嗯。

Her: Mhm.

我：能告诉我梦见什么了吗？

Me: Can you tell me what you dreamed about?

她：还是继续那些。

Her: It was still the same things.

在我第一次看她的梦境描述的时候，我承认我有点儿惊奇，因为她记得自己从小到大的大多数梦境。而且据她自己说都是延续性的梦。也就是说：她梦里的生活基本上和现实一样，随着时间流逝、因果关系而连贯的。

When I first looked at her descriptions of dreams, I confess I was somewhat astonished because she remembered most of her dreams from childhood. Moreover, she claimed they were all continuous dreams. In other words, her dream life was basically akin to reality, coherent over time and through cause and effect.

最初她的问题在于经常把梦里的事情当做现实的，后来她逐渐接受了两个世界，现实生活和梦境生活。而现在的问题严重了，她的梦越来越恐怖。最要命的是：也是连续性的。想想看，一个永远不会完结的恐怖连续剧。

Initially, her problem was that she often mistook the events in her dreams for reality. Later, she gradually accepted the existence of two worlds—her real life and her dream life. Now, the situation had worsened: her dreams were becoming increasingly terrifying. The worst part was that they were continuous. Just imagine, an endless horror series.

我：你知道我是来帮你的，你能告诉我最近一个月发生的事情吗？我指的是在她的梦里。

Me: You know I'm here to help you. Can you tell me what has happened in the last month? I’m referring to her dreams.

她咬着嘴唇，犹疑了好一会才缓缓的点了下头。

She bit her lip and hesitated for quite a while before slowly nodding.

我：好了，开始吧。

Me: Alright, go ahead.

她：还记得影子先生吗？我发现他不是来帮我的。

Her: Remember Mr. Shadow? I realized he isn’t here to help me.

这句话让我很震惊。影子先生是存在于她噩梦里除患者外唯一的人。衣着和样子看不清，总是以模糊的形象出现，而且，影子先生经常救她。

That statement shocked me. Mr. Shadow was the only character that appeared in her nightmares other than the patient herself. His clothing and appearance were indistinct; he always appeared in a vague form and frequently rescued her.

最初我以为影子先生是患者对现实中某个仰慕男性的情感寄托，后来经过几次专业人士对她的催眠后，我发现不是，影子先生对她来说，是实实在在的梦中人物。

At first, I thought Mr. Shadow was an emotional projection of a man she admired in real life. After several professionals had hypnotized her, I discovered otherwise—Mr. Shadow was a genuine character within her dream.

我：影子先生不是救你的人吗？

Me: Isn't Mr. Shadow someone who saves you?

她：不是。

Her: No.

我：到底发生了什么事儿。

Me: What exactly happened?

她：他已经开始拉着我跳楼了。

Her: He has started dragging me to jump off a building.

我稍稍松了口气：是为了救你逃脱吧？原来不是有过吗？

I breathed a slight sigh of relief: Is it to save you by escaping? Haven’t there been instances of that before?

她：不是，我发现了他的目的。

Her: No, I discovered his purpose.

我：什么目的？

Me: What purpose?

她：他想让我和他死在一起。

Her: He wants me to die with him.

我克制着自己的反应，用了个小花招，重复她最后一个词：死在一起？

I restrained my reaction and employed a little tactic, repeating her last word: die together?

她：对。

Her: Yes.

我不去追问，等着。

I didn’t press for more details, just waited.

她：我告诉过你的，一年前的时候，他拉着我跳楼，每次都是刚刚跳我就醒了。最近一年醒的越来越晚了。

Her: I told you last year, he dragged me off the building, and every time, I woke up just as I jumped. Recently, I’ve been waking up later and later.

我：你是说……

Me: You mean...

她好像鼓足勇气似得深吸了一口气：每次都是他拉着我跳同一栋楼，最开始我没发现，后来我发现了。因为那栋楼其中一层的一个房间有个巨大的吊灯。

She seemed to muster her courage and took a deep breath: Each time, he drags me off the same building. At first, I didn’t notice, but later I did. Because one of the floors had a huge chandelier in a room.

因为最开始的时候我刚跳就醒了，后来每一次跳下来，都比上一次低几层才能醒过来。

At the beginning, I woke up just as I jumped, but each time I jumped down, I woke up at a lower floor than the previous time.

我：你的意思是：直到你注意到那个吊灯的时候你才留意每次都醒的晚了几层，在同一栋楼？

Me: So, until you noticed that chandelier, you weren’t aware you kept waking up several floors lower in the same building?

她：嗯。

Her: Mhm.

我：还经常是那个40多层的楼吗？

Me: Is it still that building with over 40 stories?

她：每一次。

Her: Every time.

我：那个有吊灯的房间在几层？

Me: What floor is the room with the chandelier on?

她：35。

Her: 35.

我：每次都能看到那扇窗？

Me: Do you see that window every time?

她：不是一扇窗，每次跳的位置不一样，但是那个楼的房间有很多窗户，所以后来每一次从一个新位置跳下去，我都会留意35层，我能从不同的角度看到那个巨大的吊灯。

Her: It's not the same window. The jumping location changes every time, but that building has many windows, so later, each time I jump from a new spot, I would pay attention to the 35th floor. I can see that huge chandelier from different angles.

我：现在到几层才会醒？

Me: What floor do you wake up at now?

她：已经快一半了。

Her: Almost halfway.

我：……

Me: ...

她：我能看到地面离我越来越近，他拉着我的手，在我耳边笑。

Her: I can see the ground getting closer and closer to me. He holds my hand and laughs in my ear.

我有点儿坐立不安：不是每次都能梦见跳楼吧？

I felt a bit restless: Don’t you dream of jumping off every time?

她：不是。

Her: No.

我：那么他还救你吗？

Me: So, does he still save you?

她恐惧的看着我：他是怪物，他认得所有的路，所有的门，所有的出口入口，只要他拉住我的手，就没办法再松开，只能跟着他跑，喊不出来，也不能说话，只能跟着他跑，跑到那栋楼顶，跟着他跳下去。

She looked at me fearfully: He is a monster. He knows all the paths, all the doors, all the exits and entrances. As long as he grabs my hand, I can't let go, I can only follow him, can't shout or speak, just have to run with him to the top of that building and jump with him.

如果不是彻底调查过她身边的每一个男性，如果不是有过那几次催眠，我几乎就认为她是生活中被男人虐待了。那样的话，事情到简单了。说实话，我真的希望事情是那么简单的，真的。

If I hadn’t thoroughly investigated every man around her, if I hadn’t gone through those hypnosis sessions, I would almost believe she was being abused by men in real life. If that were the case, everything would have been simpler. Honestly, I really hoped it was that simple. Really.

我：你现在还是看不清影子先生吗？

Me: Can you still not see Mr. Shadow clearly?

她：跳楼的瞬间，能看清一点儿。

Her: At the moment of jumping, I can see him a little.

我盘算着身边有没有认识公安那种专门画犯人容貌的高手。

I was calculating whether I knew anyone in law enforcement who specialized in sketching criminal faces.

我：他长什么样子？

Me: What does he look like?

她再次充满了恐惧的回答：那不是人的脸，不是人的脸，不是……

She replied, filled with fear: That’s not a human face, not a human face, not...

我知道事情不好，她要发病了：你喝水吗？

I sensed trouble; she was about to have an episode: Do you drink water?

她看着我愣了好一阵才回过神来：不要。

She stared at me, dazed for a moment before coming back to her senses: No.

那次谈话后不久，她再次入院了。医院特地安排了她的睡眠观察，报告很奇特：她大多数睡眠都是无梦的睡眠，真正做梦的时候，不超过2分钟，她产生梦的同时，身体开始痉挛，体表出汗，体温升高，然后就会醒，惊醒。每一次。

Not long after that conversation, she was hospitalized again. The hospital specially arranged for her sleep observation, and the report was quite peculiar: Most of her sleep was dreamless, and when she did dream, it lasted no more than 2 minutes. The moment she started dreaming, her body would begin to spasm, sweat would break out on her skin, her temperature would rise, and then she would wake up, startled. Each time.

最后一次和她谈话的时候，我还是问了那个人的长相。

During the last conversation I had with her, I still asked about that person's appearance.

她压制着恐惧告诉我：影子先生的五官，在不停的变换着形状，彷佛很多人的面孔，快速的交替浮现在同一张脸上。

She suppressed her fear and told me: Mr. Shadow's features keep changing shape, as if many people's faces rapidly alternate on the same face.