章节四

那天之后，方茴在我心里又重新定义了。

After that day, Fang Hui was redefined in my heart.

我对她很好奇。因为我怎么也想不通她为什么把自己置于这样一个无爱无欲的境界，按AIBA的说法大概是失恋，可失恋就至于如此么？要真这样那世界人口早控制住了！我也就不用大老远的来澳大利亚镀金了。然而其他的原因，我又猜不透。

I was very curious about her. Because I just couldn't understand why she placed herself in such a state of no love and no desire. According to AIBA's words, it might be a broken heart, but could a breakup really lead to such an extent? If that were the case, the world's population would have been controlled long ago! I wouldn’t have had to come all the way to Australia to gain some experience. However, I couldn't fathom other reasons.

晚上我问欢欢：“我要把你甩了，你会不会一气之下去找AIBA那样的？”

That night, I asked Huan Huan, "If I were to break up with you, would you impulsively go for someone like AIBA?"

欢欢掐了我一把说：“哼！如果你把我甩了，我就卧薪尝胆，早晚找一又帅又有钱的男人，气死你！”

Huan Huan pinched me and said, "Hmph! If you break up with me, I will endure and strive. Sooner or later, I will find a handsome and wealthy man to make you furious!"

我抓住她的手说：“就不会觉得身心俱疲，宁可和女同性恋一起搞同，也不想再爱男人了？”

I held her hand and said, "You wouldn’t feel physically and mentally exhausted, preferring to be with a woman rather than love men anymore?"

欢欢把手抽出来说，两眼一瞪说：“张楠，你要是有想法了直说，不用把我往同性恋那推！告诉你，我就是找个有残疾的男人，也不会找女人！”

Huan Huan withdrew her hand and glaringly said, "Zhang Nan, if you have thoughts, just say them! No need to push me towards embracing homosexuality! I tell you, even if I were to find a disabled man, I wouldn't look for a woman!"

我赶紧搂住她说：“我逗你呢，我就是想看看你有多在乎我，唉，看来想让你为我守身是没戏啊，要是我那天出师未捷身先死，估计我尸骨未寒你就红杏出墙了！”

I hurriedly wrapped my arms around her and said, "I’m just teasing you. I just wanted to see how much you care about me. Alas, it seems there’s no hope in getting you to remain chaste for me. If I were to die prematurely on that day, I bet you’d be with someone else before my body went cold!"

欢欢扭了扭，“咯咯”的笑着说：“要不我明天找AIBA去试试，看有没有为你成为同性恋的可能？”

Huan Huan twisted a bit and giggled, saying, "How about I go to find AIBA tomorrow and see if there's a possibility of becoming a lesbian for you?"

我翻身压上她说：“别别别，您大小姐还是别去同性恋的世界搅和了，老老实实在咱‘成人’的世界里折腾吧！”

I rolled over and pressed her down, saying, "No, no, no, Miss, please don’t meddle in the world of homosexuality! Let’s stick to our ‘adult’ world!"

欢欢的确没去同性恋的世界搅和，她上人外国人的世界搅和去了。

Huan Huan indeed didn’t meddle in the world of homosexuality. She ran off into the world of foreigners.

简单的说，就是她跟一老外跑了。

Simply put, she eloped with a foreigner.

分手的时候，欢欢还显得挺难受的。她说她其实更爱我，但是来澳洲以后才发现，有很多事特现实。比如华人就是低人一等，她就得被胖房东那样的人欺负。

When we broke up, Huan Huan seemed quite distressed. She said she actually loved me more, but after coming to Australia, she realized that many things were very realistic. For example, Chinese people were treated as inferior and had to be bullied by the fat landlord.

她一个人能力有限，不可能改变整个华人世界，让同胞们挺胸抬头活出自尊，但她不想过这样的生活了，而什么能改变现状呢，那就是找个老外，融入到他们的生活中去。这样她就可以理直气壮和胖房东吵架，而不害怕被轰走了。

With her limited ability as an individual, she couldn't change the entire Chinese community, helping her fellow countrymen to hold their heads high and live with dignity. But she didn't want to live like that anymore. What could change the status quo? That would be finding a foreigner and integrating into their life. This way, she could argue confidently with the fat landlord without fearing being kicked out.

所以，作为一名华人为了能平等的在澳洲生活，她舍弃了和我的儿女私情，为中华之崛起而选择了一个她并不怎么爱的老外。

Thus, as a Chinese person, in order to live equally in Australia, she sacrificed our romantic relationship and chose a foreigner she didn't particularly love for the rise of China.

我沉痛哀悼了我们的爱情，并对欢欢的做法表示了深切的理解和支持，我也没办法不支持，我一个一穷二白的留学生拿什么让欢欢在澳洲立足？

I mourned deeply for our love and expressed profound understanding and support for Huan Huan's actions. I couldn't do anything else. As a broke international student, what could I offer Huan Huan to help her establish herself in Australia?

拿什么让她用四川味英语和澳洲人理论？

What could I provide her to debate with Australians in her own distinct Sichuan-accented English?

说归说，我还是懊恼了一阵，尤其晚上的时候，身边少了个人的感觉实在不很爽。

That said, I was still frustrated for a while, especially in the evenings. The feeling of missing someone by my side was truly unpleasant.

AIBA很同情我的际遇，所以虽然欢欢搬走了，我和她们还一样是朋友。不仅如此，我还多了与方茴接触的机会。

AIBA sympathized with my situation, so despite Huan Huan moving away, we remained friends. Moreover, I gained more chances to interact with Fang Hui.

那天，是方茴主动找我的，在她一向平淡的脸上出现了少见的慌张，她敲开我的门，有些局促的说：“张楠，你……能过来看看么？”

That day, Fang Hui took the initiative to find me, her usually calm face showing rare panic. She knocked on my door and said a bit awkwardly, "Zhang Nan, could you come over and take a look?"

我赶紧跟着她去了她们的房间，一进屋我就惊呆了，一股臭味冲门而出，整个地板被某种恶心的液体加少量固体侵占了。

I quickly followed her to her room and was stunned as soon as I entered. A foul odor rushed out the door, and the entire floor was invaded by a disgusting liquid mixed with some solid matter.

她站在我旁边红着脸说：“我回来就这样了，好像是厕所的管道裂了，AIBA又不在，所以……你看怎么办？”

She stood beside me, blushing, and said, "This happened when I came back. It seems the toilet pipe has cracked, and AIBA isn't here, so... what do you think we should do?"

我一把拉住她，往外走了两步说：“你快别在这待了！上我那屋等着去！”

I grabbed her and said quickly, "You shouldn’t stay here! Go wait in my room!"

她挣开我的手，疑惑地看着我。

She pulled her hand away, looking at me in confusion.

“啊，不好意思！”我赶紧手背后说，“我弄吧，你甭管了，快去快去！这屋没法待人！”

"Uh, sorry!" I hurriedly hid my hand behind me and said, "Let me handle this, you don’t have to worry! This room is uninhabitable!"

“那谢谢了。”

"Thanks," she replied.

我以为方茴会有点感动什么的，没想到她又恢复了淡漠，扭头就走了。

I thought Fang Hui might feel a bit touched, but unexpectedly, she returned to her indifferent self and turned to leave.

我琢磨着肯定是我刚才的一伸爪让她别扭了。

I figured it must have been the way I reached out that made her uncomfortable.

和租房中介联系了之后，我进行了短暂的抢救。那些澳产新鲜XX总不能让方茴收拾呀！当然，我估计她也不会收拾，但凡她有办法，绝不会来找我。

After contacting the rental agency, I carried out a brief rescue operation. Those nasty Australian products were certainly not for Fang Hui to clean up! Of course, I guessed she wouldn’t clean them up anyway; if she had any means, she wouldn’t have come to find me.

我趁机观察了下方茴的房间，想看看有没有她过去的蛛丝马迹，但一会我就放弃了。一是我实在没看出什么特别的，二是那味道实在不适合我继续搜索。

Taking the opportunity, I observed Fang Hui's room, hoping to catch traces of her past, but I gave up after a while. One, I couldn't really spot anything special, and two, the smell was simply too unbearable for me to continue my search.

总算弄了个大概，我一刻都不想待的往外走，结果在马上走出门口的时候我滑了一下，顺手带翻了旁边一个小花瓶，一块小石头就转呀转的滚到了我脚下。

Finally having a rough idea of what to do, I wanted to leave immediately. Just as I was about to walk out the door, I slipped and accidentally knocked over a small vase. A small stone rolled and tumbled to my feet.

我捡起来看，那是某一年代北京小摊上随处可见的署名石，用金粉银粉在上面画上歪歪扭扭的名字，比如“贝贝”“帅帅”什么的，我曾经也有一个，早就不知道扔到哪去了。

I picked it up and took a look. It was a name stone commonly found on Beijing streets, painted with gold and silver powder and scrawled with names like "Beibei" or "Shuai Shuai." I once had one too, but I had long forgotten where I threw it.

“给我。”方茴大概听见了响声，走了进来。

"Give it to me." Fang Hui must have heard the noise and walked in.

“啊？”她的神色很严峻，很强烈的压迫感，让我发愣，

"Huh?" Her expression was very serious, and the intense pressure made me freeze.

方茴没再说话，她看都没看我一眼就一把抢过来了那块石头，就好像那是什么宝贝似的。

Fang Hui didn't speak again. She didn’t even glance at me and snatched the stone as if it were a treasure.

我还没来得及洗手，那石头必然已经脏了，我甚至可以清晰的看见她白皙的手染上了一些不洁净的东西，可是她却仿佛丝毫不在意，只是紧紧的攥着，呆呆地蹲在我身边，眼神飘忽。

I hadn’t even had time to wash my hands, and the stone must have been dirty already. I could even clearly see some unclean substances dyeing her fair hands, but she seemed to not care at all, just tightly grasping it, blankly squatting next to me with her gaze wandering.

“那个……脏……”我不知道怎么办，只好说了这么一句。

"Um… it’s dirty…" Not knowing what to say, I could only let out this one sentence.

她颤了颤，好像回过了魂，“噌”的站了起来径直走到窗边，打开窗户挥出一道漂亮的抛物线，把它扔了出去。

She shivered slightly, as if coming back to herself, then suddenly stood up and walked straight to the window. Opening the window, she tossed it out in a beautiful arc.

我目瞪口呆的看着她的背影，终于感觉自己找到了要找的关于她的故事。

I watched her silhouette in shock. I finally felt that I had uncovered the story I was searching for about her.

那块石头上有一个名字：陈寻。

On that stone was a name: Chen Xun.